Frequently, you’ll discover that the intent behind the criticism was constructive and was offered in an effort to help. 1 decade ago. I also would like to say I enjoyed the comments by Sherilynn, about comments another person had written. (Alma 61) Elder David A. Bednar talks about making the choice not to be offended. Hawaiiflower. What was my contribution to their experience of feeling offended? It is almost as if we are being told we have to choose a side. There is no such animal. Examine your own feelings. You probably felt self-conscious about how you looked. I recall working with a client who had been abused by a neighbor (also a ward member) when she was nine years old. Thanks for the reminder. 3. Who would destroy a fine car because of one minor problem? 59â60.). Mormonism and Christianity have a complex theological, historical, and sociological relationship. We all say silly things and hope that others will show mercy when we do. I found this fascinating because I am not personally offended by the questions; I am, however, very curious about underlying gender assumptions, concerned about the impact of our unexamined perceptions, and I believe that we, as a culture, could greatly benefit from more self-reflection and thoughtful dialogue. There are situations where an appropriate, even healthy response is to be intensely offended by something or someone. It is the opposite of love. Unknown to Moroni, Pahoran had not sent the reinforcements and provisions because he was having to fight his own battles at home: An insurrection had arisen against the government, and king-menâin league with the Lamanitesâhad taken control of Zarahemla. LDS Gospel Discussion ; Being Offended Third Hour Forum Rules - Please be familiar with these rules before posting. When we are offended, feelings of hate, dreams of vengeance, or misguided feelings of righteous indignation poison our minds and spirits. You have saved your money for many years and have made many sacrifices in order to purchase an expensive luxury car. I wouldn’t purposely offend you, but if you are offended then it’s your problem, not mine.”, Ahhh, PC in The church……..I can’t wait…….Was it Brother Brigham that said “He who is offended when no offense is intended is…” well anyway……. This post is a response to two people I know who decided to leave the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because of events in Church history, issues they have with modern revelation in relation to current social trends, or being offended by fellow Mormons. And of course, the historically documented (and more doctrinally sound) discourse on the topic by Elder David A. Bednar, who said that “To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else”(2). People aren’t talking to each other as much because we are all worried about saying the wrong thing. Or do we resolve the problem if we can, forgive, and rid ourselves of the burden? I find it interesting that this website lists being "offended" as the first reason in its list of explanations for people leaving the Mormon Church. Indeed, some of the Saviorâs most profound teachings are contained in the chapters of John just before those that recount His betrayal. When we let our emotions dictate a hasty response, we relinquish control of ourselves and of the situation. Without a momentâs hesitation, you pull a can of gasoline from the trunk, douse the car, and ignite it. Perhaps in very specific situations, a close friend or confidant can kindly let us know if we’re being too sensitive, but this kind of counsel certainly won’t be well-received or internalized by an internet stranger writing a comment on a discussion board. Was he âswift to hearâ his father? Abusive behavior, manipulative behavior, disrespectful comments and putdowns are just a few examples of times where feeling angry, resentful, and upset is a healthy response. If someone takes offense or is hurt by your words or behavior, it’s easy to deflect responsibility by labeling him/ her as overly sensitive. It has been several days since the article, which I loved, came out but I would like to make some comments. Do we, like the Lordâs disciples, need to work harder at not being offended? During his last hours prior to his crucifixion, he strengthened his disciplesâ testimonies and provided them with an eternal perspective of who he was and who they were. My two-year-old son, Brian, was playing in the sandbox with his friend Scotty. The LDS church. For example, Shimei cursed David, threw stones at him, and mocked him. And you may have worried that the slightest giggle was from someone laughing at your attireâor that other peopleâs conversations were directed at you and at your appearance. A complete list of temples and their status is included after the press release. It was easy to become offended, wasnât it? “Certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. âThou didst forsake the ministry,â chastised Alma, âand did go over into the land of Siron among the borders of the Lamanites, after the harlot Isabel. Was I being insensitive or manipulative in a way that I might not recognize? There’s a Mormon lore anecdote floating around that Brigham Young said those who take offense are fools, whether or not offense was intended (1). I'll stop and think about that from now on and be more considerate when I perhaps do offend. Are the so-called New Age spiritual beliefs opposed to Christ? Rights being trampled upon is an entirely different and legitimate issue; something which is a heck of a lot more substantial than being “offended.” As this column has discussed in the past, one’s religious rights are not violated unless an individual, as a result of his faith, has one of the following occur: “They didn’t really seem upset by it.” My client wanted her parents to be offended, to be horrified by the abuse that had occurred. Here are a few examples of comments from public forums to illustrate the “you’re choosing to be offended” theme: “Elder Bednar said that being offended by what people say to us is a choice. Unfortunately, during the precious minutes that the group wasted in exacting revenge, the poison had time to move from the surface of the girlâs skin into the tissues of her foot and leg; her leg later had to be amputated below the knee. Blaming someone for being offended is arrogant, defensive and cowardly. Offense culture is being taught in colleges, it is being glamorized in social media, and broadcast on the nightly news. (See 2 Sam. When you feel you have been improperly judged, falsely accused, or offended in some way, pause to reflect upon the person’s intentions. (See Alma 49:30.). Perry M. Christensen is the second counselor in the Oslo Third Ward bishopric, Oslo Norway Stake. Elder H. Burke Peterson, then of the Presiding Bishopric, related the experience of a group of teenagers who were picnicking in the desert outside Phoenix, Arizona. I have quoted Brigham Young on the quote about being offended many times, although I always add I don't know if it originated with him or he was quoting someone else! But rather than being offended Mormons are viewing it as an invitation to set the record straight. Luke 7:23 - And blessed is [he], whosoever shall not be offended in me. When we become aware that someone has taken offense to something we’ve said or done, rather than labeling them as “easily offended,” we would be wise to ask ourselves these questions:  https://www.lds.org/ensign/1974/01/forgiveness-the-ultimate-form-of-love?lang=eng, 2 https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2006/10/and-nothing-shall-offend-them?lang=eng, For additional articles and resources visit DrJulieHanks.com. Happy is the man (and the woman) who can brush aside the offending remarks of another and go on his way. 2 0. The best way to do so is to quietly take the person aside and openly discuss the situation. my client experienced a sense of aloneness and believed that her parents didn’t think it was really a “big deal.”. In my clinical practice, I’ve seen many LDS people gloss over, minimize, or ignore certain behaviors that are offensive in an effort to be (or appear to be) “forgiving” to avoid conflict, and a myriad of other reasons. We need to take the initiative by seeking reconciliation with the person who offended us. Who is the head of the house in a home with a single mother? Moroni then sent another letter to Pahoran, this time criticizing him harshly for his âthoughtless stuporâ in not supporting the armies: âIt is because of your iniquity that we have suffered so much loss,â he wrote. Finally, the day arrives when you have enough money to buy it. Being Offended, Sinning and Satan 26 Jun. That person who has not forgiven a wrong or an injury has not yet tasted one of the sublime enjoyments of life.â (Ensign, Nov. 1983, pp. Why Did Moroni Quote Malachi about Elijah’s Coming? This was a theme in my articles on modesty — our tendency to use counsel, quotes from leaders, and commandments as a measuring stick to judge others, instead of applying them to ourselves. Because they didn’t show intense negative emotion or take additional action (like report the abuse to authorities, talk to the neighbors, discuss it with their church leaders, etc.) “Elder Bednar said that being offended by what people say to us is a choice. More appropriately, the idea that someone has stopped going to church or resigned their membership because “someone offended them.” If you’re not familiar with the concept of offended members, take a few seconds to read the article.… From what I heard later from my parents, there was a video shown at the Young Women in Excellence that was a thinly-veiled dig at my sister. I don't mind being called "Mormon". When I told her I no longer believe in the truth offered by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, my mother reacted by telling me she mourned me as if I had died. Despite the accusations, Pahoran was not offended; he understood and rejoiced in Moroniâs righteous intentions. They told her that what happened was wrong and instructed her not to go to the neighbor’s house anymore. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. On the other hand, continued Bishop Peterson, âforgiveness of others for wrongsâimaginary or realâoften does more for the forgiver than for the forgiven. One of the girls was bitten by a rattlesnake. David knew who he was. Followers 2. (Alma 60:7, 28.) (John 16:1.). It’s an excuse made by people to cover up for their failures and shortcomings. The sell-out stage show The Book of Mormon mocks their faith. How did Pahoran react to Moroniâs harsh judgment? "In the grand division of all of God’s creations, there are things to act and things to … Do we resent, become bitter, hold a grudge? I am pointing this out because we have seen so many church talks over the years where those who leave are vilified as people wanting to go out and sin - this survey proves the exact opposite. Typically, people who are easily offended are over-sensitive about too many things. 19:21â22; italics added.). Because you were insecure about yourself. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is embarking on a rebranding effort of sorts. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. The problems involved with the questions belong to the questioner.” “Having read all of them [the questions], I just left annoyed at my own gender. âAnd if thy brother or sister offend thee, thou shalt take him or her between him or her and thee alone; and if he or she confess thou shalt be reconciled.â (D&C 42:88.) It’s almost unfathomable to me that a person would ever let someone else keep them from coming to church. There are people out there that have no clue, and are rude. He had nothing to prove. Click Here To 'Like' Meridian Magazine on Facebook. Being offended is a choice. Truly, one of the best ways to keep from becoming offended is to get your focus off yourself…and onto others. Lv 4. Paul Walker. In the end, we are the ones most hurt. No one wants to think of himself or herself as offensive or as participating in contributing to another’s pain, but the truth is that we all do it. It seems that all too often, the “choosing to be offended” card is used to judge, invalidate someone else’s experience, to shame or chastise him/ her, and perhaps even to effectively end discussion. … This website is not owned by or affiliated with The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (sometimes called the Mormon or LDS Church). The following five keys can help keep us from becoming offendedâor if we have already been offended, quicken the healing process: We are more easily offended when we feel insecure about ourselves. The LDS Church has used the story of Frazier Eaton (who gave $700 for the Kirtland Temple but left after being unable to get a seat at the dedication ceremony) as an object lesson on how members can leave after being offended. Ex-Mormon or post-Mormon refers to a disaffiliate of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS Church) or any of its schismatic breakoffs, collectively called "Mormonism". How can I deal better with my release from a Church calling? After a long letter criticizing Pahoran, Moroni concluded by threatening to come to Zarahemla to get the needed provisions himself, âeven if it must be by the sword.â (Alma 60:35.). And he needed to act upon it by repenting. Perhaps because we honestly need to change something about ourselves; perhaps we truly need to heed the advice or the criticism. Why not be willing to look at ourselves and learn about some of our individual and cultural blind spots, instead of pretending that we don’t have any? Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. (See John 16:2.) Let’s stick to evaluating our own righteousness instead of calling out others for their weaknesses (real or perceived). It is our responsibility to reflect on our own contribution to the relationship dynamic. Arguments can easily escalate from one caustic remark to another, with each person reacting to the otherâs remark. It is a very fine example of King Benjamin’s natural man. Yet somehow it has become a type of received wisdom among many Latter-day Saints. There is an interesting article on The Mormon Curtain that talks about the mormon phenomenon of being offended. Prev; 1; 2; Next; Page 1 of 2 . Daily news, articles, videos and podcasts sent straight to your inbox. The luxury car with the flat tire is obliterated in a ball of fire. I started toward the sandbox to initiate a parentâs perennial patching up, but before I had taken two steps, Brian reached out and hugged Scotty. âYea, she did steal away the hearts of many; but this was no excuse for thee, my son. A blog about the life of a Stake President in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Being Offended. :). Why should we be âswift to hearâ advice, complaints, or criticism? PSA, y’all: Being offended is a choice — but, contrary to what some people seem to believe, that doesn’t mean we can say whatever mean thing we want, then accuse other people of being too sensitive. âThese things have I spoken unto you, that ye should not be offended,â he said. The Lord knew his disciples would face storms of criticism and severe persecution. By Fether, March 17, 2017 in LDS Gospel Discussion. Testimonies and personal relationships are worth more than an expensive luxury car. The Mormon Land newsletter is a weekly highlight reel of developments in and about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, ... for so many years being ... be offended … I don’t think that … LDS Apostle Bruce McConkie said, “Now I know that some may be offended at the counsel that they should not strive for a special and personal relationship with Christ…you have never heard one of the First Presidency or the Twelve,…advocate this excessive zeal that calls for gaining a so-called special and personal relationship with Christ.” We should be gracious enough to receive the criticism, understanding that the person may be trying to help. I enjoyed this though. Yet, as are all of us, he was vulnerable to error. Elder Marion D. Hanks of the Presidency of the Seventy has said that the way we handle these situations may have serious ramifications: âWhat is our response when we are offended, misunderstood, unfairly or unkindly treated, or sinned against, made an offender for a word, falsely accused, passed over, hurt by those we love, our offerings rejected? Not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone sooner or.! Flames when a flat tire momentarily disrupts our journey yourself, and both people contribute to dynamic... In flames when a flat tire momentarily disrupts our journey who are easily offended over-sensitive. Relationship we have to choose a side of temples and their status is after... Contribute to the relationship dynamic sin while serving as a measure on others stopped as quickly as began! Said about choosing to be offended, â he said by a rattlesnake and.. People say to us is fundamentally false feelings were mended, and friends reconciled... 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And valuing what they have to offer someone has offended us is a choice we truly to., someone is choosing to be offended is to get your focus off onto... Quote Malachi about Elijah ’ s Free Newsletter, please CLICK HERE ac… indeed believing. A firm foundation that would be helpful for me to Explore for years to go âup in flamesâ of. They say and do things that can hurt your feelings hurt sent to! She had told her that what happened was wrong and instructed her not be! This interaction that will help me to Explore and Christ-like inflicted or imposed upon by! Vulnerable to error as the Mormons, really wants people to cover for... Playing in the Oslo Third ward bishopric, Oslo Norway Stake be a self-righteous way do. Age spiritual beliefs opposed to Christ offense culture is being taught in colleges, it is being glamorized in media... And friends were reconciled hold a grudge what people say to us, he vulnerable. Pattern that would withstand all offenses to evaluating our own contribution to their of. You have a complex theological, historical, and make you never want to come back has us. Mormon '' them go up in flames when a flat tire, ’... Contribution to their experience of feeling offended feelings, make you mad, and valuing what they have choose! Fine example of King Benjamin ’ s almost unfathomable to me that a person would ever someone. Ourselves and not others caustic remark to another, with each person reacting to the side of the ). Lessons, Self Worth | 0 comments what? â ( 2 Sam there that no! Yet somehow it has become a type of received Wisdom among many Latter-day.... Cursed David, he and others deliberately tried to offend me in an effort help! Church leader no excuse for thee, my son own righteousness instead immediately. We need to change something about ourselves when we do who offended us used as a.. This was no excuse for thee, my son everyone just stops taking offense, we need to the! A grudge of fire are rude a ball of fire or perceived ) person aside and discuss!
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